?

Log in

thebittercandy

if i can change something in my life - part 1

May. 21st, 2010 | 03:09 am

if i can change something in my life, if i have the opportunity to change it, i would very much like to change the adolescent me.

i used to think that being an adolescent gives you the right to be rude, to be irresponsible, to be willful, and to use 'i am in the rebellious stage' as a reason or excuse to justify my doings/thinking. well, i won't say that it's wrong, just that it was an extremely easy way to get myself out of any emotional situations or responsibilities. it was the best weapon i had to convince myself and justify my actions. 

it seems very ironic to be showing remorse over my youth when i hate to regret my choices, since it brings me quite a bit of insecurities and self-doubt. however, anyone who knows me enough, which i think quite a bit of people think they do, can say that i am just afraid of the implications regrets bring. i am damn afraid of the guilt factor, and i loathe being trapped in a guilt case. it fucking makes me feel like a worthless person, which at times, i feel like i am. guilt always eats up a part of me when it appears, and sometimes i think it took away too much of me when it was around.

now that i have left my years of adolescence, it has become a part of me that i both like and dislike. i made too many unwise decisions and did too many unwise things.      

Link | Leave a comment | Share

thebittercandy

and it was there;

May. 21st, 2010 | 12:55 am

and it was there;

i saw you standing in the moonlight,
basking in its shine,
and it was there,
when i fell in love with you,
a love at first sight.

you turned your head and locked my gaze,
smiled a smile of ethereal,
and it was there,
that i understood my existence,
i was born to meet you.

your eyes kept my heart beating,
like a wild sparrow caught in a net,
and it was there,
where i fell to my knees,
you are my queen.

i touched your lips with a tender sigh,
soft and sweet like a rose's nectar,
and it was there,
when i swore in my heart,
you are the only love of my life.

your hair danced in the soothing wind,
long and soft and dark like the ebony,
and it was there,
when i knew,
i am yours.
 

Link | Leave a comment | Share

thebittercandy

(no subject)

May. 20th, 2010 | 11:58 pm

we don't always get what we want, and when that happens, it's either we get over it or get sucked in by it.

You are neck deep in it. Fool.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

thebittercandy

(no subject)

Apr. 28th, 2010 | 04:09 am
location: 1.3697,103.7491

I am supposed to work really hard and earn tons of money for THE TRIP. But somehow, in the past dunno-how-many-months the money fiend in me took a little rest, thus explaining the sudden lack of motivation to row in the MONEY. Looking for a new additional job, although my body is giving me quite abit alot of problems. Mummy's been screaming at me to take care of my health.

Recently, I realised I lost touch with alot of my classmates. School is a common meeting ground, but no school is just an excuse to not meet up. Maybe it's due to my passiveness, but the feeling of not being able to see them is quite... I dunno the right word to describe it. Distance to me is not that much a problem as the notion of asking, of course going all the way to the oher side of sg in the middle of the night is impossible, but it's always nice to know you are remembered. Well not that I can say much when I am not contacting myself.

ZZ's really helpful, going more than beyond his liability to motivate me. Stupid fool, how am I going to proceed on when you keep doing things that halt me, and how am I going to find a new tenant when you keep looking at me with those eyes. You cannot keep staying here when you've already found a permanent residence, it's unfair.

Certain personality flaws are lethal. Sighs. I think I need more yoga to wash my mind. You are beyond hopeless, dumb self.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tags:

Link | Leave a comment | Share

thebittercandy

What's happening.

Mar. 31st, 2010 | 12:59 am
location: 1.3702,103.7490

It's a joke to be haunted by something unidentifable.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tags:

Link | Leave a comment | Share